Some films I huv watched. 

1 Aug


here’s some films I huv watched lately….

The Void….


A fantastic throwback tae 80’s horror by some of the legendary Astron6 fellas. Everything is thrown intae the pot here, Hellraiser, The Thing, Assault on Precinct 13 are all mixed in wi the usual dose of Astron6 humour. Think John Carpenter meets Clive Barker and you’ve an idea of whits in store. I bloody loved it! 

American Assassin….

I’d read this book a while back (aye, I enjoy a wee ‘dad book’ now and again) so when this popped up on Netflix I gave it a go. And ye know whit? It’s no’ bad. I mean, it’s a cliched action film, but the cast and surprisingly gruesome violence made it better than it probably should’ve been. Mitch Rapp is a guy who decides tae kill everyone (basically) after his fiancee is gunned doon in a terror attack. He comes tae the attention of the CIA who decide they can use him tae kill folks they don’t like. Que lots of killing, and stuff. Stylish, cliched but still pretty decent. 


Ben Wheatleys pitch black comedy aboot a couple who go on a murder spree while on a caravan holiday. Thing Natural Born Killers in fleeces and bad jumpers. Brilliant. 

Friday the 13th pt VIII Jason Takes Manhattan….

Good grief this was pish. First time I’ve rewatched it since my teenage years. It hasn’t aged well. Jason is awoken, gets his mask back, and kills teens who look like budget versions of bigger actors of the time. Budget River Phoenix: killed, budget Luke Perry: killed, etc etc. Basically if ye look like a low rent actor, Jason is gonna kill ya. Honestly, it’s fucking pish.

Dead Man’s Shoes…

Shane Meadows powerful tale of revenge is still one of the greatest British films ever made. Co written wi Paddy Considine it’s the story of a brother returning tae his shitey hame toon tae sort oot a group of plastic gangsters who bullied his brother (a fantastic performance fae Toby Kebbel) while he was away in the army. It’s brutal, heart breaking, hilarious and haunting. Canny recommend it highly enough. 
Anyway, a wee brief return tae the film blog world, more tae come. At some point. Be well! 



Revenge of the film blog.

9 Apr


I, remarkably am still alive. So decided the best thing I can do with my continuing aliveness is return tae my old film blog. Because why no’ eh?

Just got bit busy wi real life stuff and that and sick of fuckin wee bawbag “film bloggers” and their.. “Oh, woman canny be Ghostbusters. ye are ruining my childhood!” pish. So I decided I couldnae be arsed being lumped in wi they wee fuds.  So, being a bit more positive aboot films in general (apart fae Adam Sandler films, fuck them, and him, and you if ye watch them) I decided tae return tae the blog as I’m sure yir all delighted tae hear.

So it’s been a while, whit huv I seen in the past wee while?

Guid yins..

Wonder Woman was great, as were Free Fire, Mindhorn, The Void, Get Out, Logan, and loads more I canny remember.

Pish yins…


Along wi the shite A Cure For Wellness, Justice League and Life were particularly wank too.

So just a wee brief return, but expect more film related nonsense in the near future.

Aw’ra best folks. be well and don’t die.



19 Jul

There are many days in my life I could say are the greatest ever..
the day I met Mrs Z3
the day the wee yin was born
the day we got married
the day I didnae die after open heart surgery
the day I met Damon Albarn
The day I met ‘E’ fae EELS and got tae tell him oor daughter is named after one of his records…
BUT they all pale intae insignificance tae the day in 1985 when me and a pal decided tae go the pictures in Greenock.
The abc cinema oan West Blackhall St



We got money aff oor parents tae go see FLETCH, see the story is BRILLIANT already! Anyone who follows me oan Twitter know I bloody love FLETCH,

Fletch movie poster


it’s a cracking film, aye, it’s never gonna win any awards, but that’s no’ the point, it’s simply great fun.

Anyway, we got the bus intae the toon fae Gourock, made oor way the the cinema, paid oor 75p and settled doon tae watch the bold Chevy.

Now, that could be the end of the story and it would STILL be up there wi the greatest days of my life, but no, it’s got  a part two….


The abc in Greenock had 3 screens (as in screen a screen b and screen c) and FLETCH was showing in screen a. It was upstairs. As we were leaving, we were walking doon the stairs and a crowd of people were walking intae screen c, we looked at each other, laughed, then just joined the crowd and walked intae screen c.

We sat through the adverts, the pearl and dean tune and a couple of trailers, then up came the bbfc ratings card, it was COCOON! AYE, COCOON!







Truly amazing, and probably the most 80’s  double bill ever.

So we stayed, and watched COCOON. Now this was the days before mobiles, and we were 11, and oor parents expected us back fir oor tea at 5pm. So when I wandered in the back of 7pm, dying tae tell them aboot seeing two of the greatest films ever made, I got sent straight tae bed, and grounded wi nae pocket money fir a week, after my parents telling me how worried they were etc.

I mean I tried tae explain ‘BUT IT WAS COCOON AND FLETCH WE SAW!’ But it made nae difference tae them, they seemed tae be more concerned that we could huv been murdered or something. Weirdos.

It was worth it.

Was my first time watching two films back tae back in the cinema, something I still like te dae.

But no’ matter whit I see, it’ll never be a  special as seeing COCOON fir free, right after seeing FLETCH.

I think you’ll all agree this wasn’t just the greatest day of my life, but probably the greatest day in the history of man!

Cheers fir reading.

Aw’ra best!


The Ballad Of Boaby Souness.

6 Jun

Long time since I posted anything oan here, whit wi the move tae that there Engerland and that.
Anyway, before I moved, a Twitter chum and brilliant writer David Ross (@dfr10 ) watched oor short film ‘HULLO?’ (Here it’s here.. ) then asked us (me, Rob and Hilliat) if we fancied helping wi a wee trailer fir his ‘Boaby Souness’ twitter collection ebook………


Now, when David asked me tae write a tweet fir ‘Boaby’ I was over the moon, so how could I refuse the chance tae be ‘Boaby’ even just fir a minute.
So we agreed, and this is whit we made…..


Again thanks tae Rob (@ArkadinImage ) and Hilliat (@hilliatfields ) fir bringing the talent tae the wee film, and cheers tae David fir trusting me wi ‘Boaby’.

Oh, and a big thanks tae the title sequence fae The Rockford Files! 😉

Three Questions. Three Tweeters. Three Answers.

9 Feb



Julio Dos Santos

1: Whit are yir first memories of seeing a film in the cinema?

Superman 2, ABC Cinema Glasgow.

My maw and Da took me in the afternoon when I had a day off school. If never been in a cinema before and was wide eyed at everything, from the snack and drink selection to the decor, carpets and smell! The film itself was probably pish in retrospect, but by that time I was already hooked on the pictures buzz and was loving it. To this day, I still lap up Christopher Reeve and any mention of him brings back memories of my first day at the cinema.

2: If you could choose any actor tae play you in the story of yir life, who would ya chose? And whit would ya call the movie?

I’d call it “A conveyor belt of people waving goodbye” or “My life as a misunderstood outcast” and it would need to be portrayed by someone with specs. So I’ll say Phillip Seymour Hoffman. But he’d need to speak Glaswegian.

3: Yir crazy rich uncle dies, leaves ya a cinema in his will, but ya can only screen 3 films, whit films dae ya choose?

Ferris Buellers Day Off – An amazing film that sums up the entire 80s in 90 minutes. It’s just brilliant, from the soundtrack to the dialogue to the closing scene, it is pure perfection. An absolute masterpiece.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – Just beautiful. Its twee yet daft yet thought provoking yet joyful yet sad. It’s without doubt my favourite film ever.

Pans Labyrinth – Sorry Zebra, I know you’ve already listed this but I love it. It is just tremendous and I’ve no words to add to what’s already been said. It is everything a film should be.



1: Whit are yir first memories of seeing a film in the cinema?

Seeing ‘Bambi’ with my mum at Muirend Cinema, and being totally heartbroken. When I was wee, my worst fear was losing my mum, so seeing that was a bit traumatic! Great old cinema, sadly converted into flats a few years ago. Here’s a pic
3 q

2: If you could choose any actor tae play you in the story of yir life, who would ya chose? And whit would ya call the movie?

I’ve been told I look a bit like Olivia Newton John, so I might pick her. Doubt she’d do a good job on the accent, though!
The film would be called Tea & Sympathy.

3: Yir crazy rich uncle dies, leaves ya a cinema in his will, but ya can only screen 3 films, whit films dae ya choose?

First I’d choose ‘Some Like It Hot,’ the best comedy film ever made. It is absolutely perfect- there is not a scene, a line or a character that doesn’t need to be there. It is set in one of my favourite eras (America during Prohibition), has fantastic one-liners, great songs, beautiful costumes and Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis. It is the perfect movie.

Next ‘Antonia’s Line,’ which is the film which had the biggest emotional impact on me when I saw it at the GFT. After it, I actually felt as though I’d been to a funeral or something! Yes, it’s a bit foreign&artsy and has subtitles but don’t let that put you off.

You’ll be so engrossed by the story you won’t notice after a few minutes.

Beautiful, life-affirming, and about strong and resilient women. Love love love it.

My third pick would probably be ‘Pulp Fiction,’ just because I can watch it again and again without getting sick of it. That twist contest. So many great lines.

I’d do a theme night with $5 milkshakes and Big Kahuna burgers.


Paul T



1: Whit are yir first memories of seeing a film in the cinema?

In the middle of a dreary, rain-soaked caravan holiday in Dunbar in the summer of 1975, I remember being literally dragged along to the local fleapit one afternoon to see The Land That Time Forgot ( starring Doug McClure & Susan Penhaligon. I don’t remember much about the film to be honest: there was a German U-Boat which, somewhat improbably, ended up getting lost & running aground on a secret island populated by dinosaurs & Neanderthals, a fairly standard early-70’s B-movie plot as I subsequently found out. The standout memories were the screen itself, which seemed massive to the 5-year-old me, and the pterodactyls: I fucking hated the pterodactyls. Even now I put my ongoing ornithophobia down pretty much to the impact of that movie, much more than anything Hitchcock ever did to me with his portrayal of those horrible wee flying rats in The Birds. And Susan Penhaligon: she briefly challenged Agnetha out of ABBA as my favourite non-male. This led to later periods watching Bouquet Of Barbed Wire & A Fine Romance on ITV, which were entirely out of keeping with the contemporary viewing habits of a pre-teen boy.

2: If you could choose any actor tae play you in the story of yir life, who would ya chose? And whit would ya call the movie?

John Cusack, on the basis he has pretty much played me already, in High Fidelity.


I love everything about that movie: the music, the angst, the talking-to-camera, the lists, the characterisation are all pretty much perfection for the geek boy in me. In terms of Cusack himself I’ve been a major fan since The Sure Thing, but there’s something about the way he plays Rob Gordon in that movie that just…clicks. As one of my key musical obsessions, Morrissey, once said:”…it’s too close to home. And it’s too near the bone…”. His turn as the music-obsessed, guilt-ridden, confused & self-destructive boyfriend & awful businessman, stuck in a life he doesn’t know how to cope with & fantasising about the ‘better’ life he assumes he should have had…lets’ just say there’s some resonance there with my younger self. As for the movie title? “The Boy With The Thorn In His Side” has a nice ring to it…

3: Yir crazy rich uncle dies, leaves ya a cinema in his will, but ya can only screen 3 films, whit films dae ya choose?


Virtually an impossible task, but I’ve interpreted this as three films I’d never tire of watching, rather than necessarily the best three films I’ve ever seen. So, on that basis…

Salvador ( this movie blew me apart the first time I saw it. From about 1983 onwards I’d slowly started to take a much deeper interest in music & movies than previously, in line with most teenagers I’d think, but I’d also started to pick up on some of the political messages associated with 80’s pop culture: Thatcher, the miners, apartheid, Amnesty…’issues’ which I was hearing about as much through the NME & Sounds as from TV news. I think I first saw Salvador on VHS when I was 18, in about 1987, my then-girlfriend having picked it up from the local video shop alongside some dubious chick-flick for a Friday night’s viewing whilst her parents were down at the local Masonic Club. I was vaguely aware of Central American political issues but totally naïve about the all-pervasive influence of the US in the region, Something about that movie was utterly compelling- the performances, most notably James Woods, are astounding, but the story itself is utterly tragic- the ending still has me in bits, even 27 years after I first saw it. Oliver Stone’s best-ever movie, by a country mile.

Stripes ( the funniest film ever made- it’s that simple. Bill Murray is utterly imperious- the dialogue with Harold Ramis in particular is unbelievable, sharp & lyrical & utterly hilarious. I pretty much made my way through every situation in secondary school, and indeed pretty much the majority of my subsequent personal & professional life, appropriating the script of Stripes for supposedly impromptu one-liners, which, to this day, only the most perceptive & clued-up of my friends & acquaintances recognise. Its’ a bit of a weird film at times, for example the last half-hour is pretty much a sequel-within-a-film & totally pointless to the core story, but the performances & writing & inherent hilarity pretty much make this already the film I’ve watched more than any other not written by George Lucas in my life.

This Is Spinal Tap

( its’ breaking my heart not to include The Empire Strikes Back in this list, but I can’t leave this out. Stripes was my first comedy love, I cheated a little bit with Anchorman when I was older, but Spinal Tap is the enduring passion.  Its’ the perfect mockumentary- without it, there’s no The Office, and indeed no Anchorman either. The performances are OTT but strangely believable, the script endlessly quotable, the set pieces as memorable as anything Python ever produced. Even the music is perfectly pitched, teetering on the brink between grossly offensive & completely genre-recognisable. In my future benevolent dictatorship post-Indy Scotland, this will be on the National Educational Curriculum. At least the kids will learn the difference between feet & inches.



20 Jan


Wow, we’ve had quite the response tae oor wee short film, I’m so chuffed people liked it. It’s  been a week since we posted it, and it’s been really brilliant. A lot of folks I admire and respect huv sent lovely messages, it’s been a wee bit overwhelming at times.

Sorry if my tl has been a bit ‘oh we made a short film!’ but it’s the first time I’ve ever attempted tae  dae anything like this, so I’m very proud and a wee bit over excited at the response!

It was such a fun thing tae dae, and getting the chance tae ‘work’ wi @hilliatfields (check oot mair of his ACE music here.. ) and @ArkadinImage , (mair of Robin’s work can be found here.. )  was brilliant. A truly talented and lovely pair of gentlemen.

Anyway, the folks at @fourculture magazine in NEW YORK! wrote a wee article/review of oor short and a wee bit aboot us. A  totally surreal experience fir me. In the nicest possible way of course. So here is oor first ‘review’!!
“Hullo?” – a Short Film Sure to Astound | @hilliatfields @ArkadinImage @nolanzebra3 #filmmaking #indiefilm #indie



HULLO? A short film.

15 Jan


last year a couple of Twitter chums (the super talented @ArkadinImage & @hilliatfields ) and I decided tae try and make a wee short film, oan oor ain. Nae budget, nae actors, just an idea and a couple of wee handheld HD camcorders and a moustache.

So here it is…..

I hope ye enjoy it! Was such fun tae do.

Cheers tae Rob fir making me look slightly less of a awkward big eejit than whit I am in real life, and Mr Fields fir making a fantastic piece of music that really made the wee idea come tae life.

I really hope ye enjoy it, I’m really proud of it.